Mother's Day Perspective
Mother’s Day is this weekend and my mind and heart are on my sweet mom, on families and on relationships. I’ve had the privilege of having a close and wonderful relationship with my mom all of my life. We became more like friends as I went into adulthood. She makes me laugh mostly because she laughs at her own jokes so hard that she can’t tell them. She makes me feel important and worthy each time we speak even though the miles between us are long and hard these days since the move out West. She makes me feel beautiful even on the days that we Facetime and my hair is in a ponytail and makeup is a thing of the past. Mostly what I know is that she’s always there. My constant source of love and encouragement no matter what I’ve done or said or walked through. There’s never been a moment of judgment.
But speaking to so many of my friends through the years, I realize that this is not always the case. The holidays are a source of stress for so many families for so many reasons. Relationships that are strained due to unforgiveness, miscommunications and frankly, a lack of perspective. Friends have expressed that their family members struggle with insecurities and jealousies that make each holiday a dread instead of something to look forward to.
There is a book that I read at least once a year called “The Noticer”. The author, Andy Andrews, tells the story about a man named Jones that comes in and out of the lives of the people in one community and his greatest gift is simply giving perspective to those that he meets and befriends, the author included. He has a gift where he just notices things in people’s character and lives. He brings perspective in a way that changes the course of their lives for the better. Each person is told to look at their circumstance and gain perspective. In one such story, he is having a simple and humble lunch on the beach with the author. The meal consists of crackers and canned sardines. He asks Andy to describe what he is eating. The author, a very young and bitter man at the time, answered angrily that his meager lunch was crackers and a cheap can of sardines to which Jones replied, “Not me. I’m eating a seafood lunch with a view of the beach!” The book is full of lessons on the qualities of a future mate but also how to become the person your future spouse is looking for, how to learn your spouses love language and believing that no matter your age, there are gifts in you that are waiting to be used, all in simple but powerful stories.
Perspective is such a powerful tool in our arsenal for living life. If you’re able to see someone else’s point of view, it gives an understanding that helps you to understand why they feel the way that they do about life. We want things that others have but don’t realize what it took for them to get those things. We desire to be a light in this dark world but until we are willing to truly understand what another person is feeling, what they’ve been through that shaped how they speak and act, we can sometimes be ineffective. The idea that we are right and they are wrong is a path that leads to division.
I didn’t understand how hard it was to run a home and all that my mom went through as a working mother, until I was tasked with that same responsibility. I remember a phone call that I received from my son when he moved out on his own for college in another state. His roommates were less than tidy and had no idea how to cook. Bud and I had taught him how to cook from a young age so he would be equipped for later life on his own. The phone call was one I had been expecting and very much like the one I made to my mom. “Wow, mom! I had no idea how hard you actually worked until I had to do it all on my own!” Yes, that’s the stuff of great Mother’s Day cards!
Perspective doesn’t change the other person. It changes us! It’s the reason I never engage in conversations over social media about politics. I have never ever seen a person on the other end of a belief system post something like “Thank you, my political opponent! I’ve seen the error of my ways! I now embrace all that you believe and stand for!” Social media is a great place for self-expression and I realize that people feel as strongly about those subjects as I do about my faith. But what I try to never do is use that space as a way to make someone believe what I believe or belittle others for not believing as I do. How do we navigate all of that? I know I don’t have all the answers but if I really want to be a better person, I have conversations in person with people of differing beliefs in an attempt to understand why they believe as they do. Race issues, politics, and so many other subjects are best spoken about in person where perspective may prayerfully be found.
I know so many families that just pretend that there’s not a problem or want to ignore that someone is hurting. I’m that annoying family member that reaches out or at least tries to bring communication into the forefront so that wounds can heal. Yes there are some things better left unsaid but more than not, there are simple conversations that should happen that could change a person’s life once they know and understand the other person’s feelings.
If you’re dreading getting together with certain family members this Mother’s day, try reaching out beforehand and seeing if resolution can be found. And don’t just insist on making them hear YOUR side. Listen, really listen. You may change the way your family holidays are spent.
To my mom, I wish you the happiest of days as we celebrate all that you are to us and to those around you. You bring joy and love and laughter. May you know how much you are loved and cherished.
To my extended family and friends that are moms and now grandmothers, I pray that your families will know the love that you have for them, that your love and gifts will touch the lives all of who have you in their lives and that you will know how beautiful you are in every way.
To those in my family and yours that have lost a loved one this year and this is the first Mother’s Day without your mom, as is the case for my family since my precious Granny’s passing, know that God has your heart in His hands and He will comfort you as only He can. Know that your mom lives on in each of you and that her love only grows stronger as you pass that love on to your family and they pass it on to theirs.
To those beautiful women in my life that are not natural moms in the sense that we think of a mother, please hear me. Your love and gifts of time and talent, your words and actions that have touched the children and people around you with wisdom and grace are as needed and precious as if you had been their natural mom. You are important in our lives and I can’t imagine my life without those of you who have been there for me and my family through the years.
And to all families in general. Let this Mother’s Day be a time of reflection, of perspective and of grace. Take the time to truly get to know one another. And may every mother who reads this know that they are loved, cherished and honored by us all!
