Reconciliation

I’ve been thinking a lot about this word lately and found something really interesting when I looked up the meaning of reconciliation. I’ve always understood it to mean reuniting or restoring something that was lost, like a relationship; bringing something back together again. But I found another definition that is intriguing to me. Reconciliation can also be the action of making one view or belief compatible with another.

There’s a great Netflix series called “Cooked” by Michael Pollon where he explores the origins of food and culture. There was one episode called Air where he talks about the mysterious process of fermentation. One of his guests that were featured was a nun named Sister Noella who lives in an abbey in Connecticut who also happens to have a doctorate in microbiology. She became fascinated with the making of cheese and has become known for her old world way of cheese making. She made an interesting comment in the episode. She said that people kept telling her that, as a nun, she should only study theology. But her answer was fascinating. She said, “For me, in seeing creation the way we do, you have to enter into from a specific entry point and for me its microbiology. And then I stand back. I’m not afraid of science. I stand back in wonder at this Creator.” Sister Noella has found a way to bring about reconciliation between science and faith.

 It has made me think about reconciliation in a new way. I’m heartbroken when I meet people and hear stories of family members who haven’t spoken in decades. When asked the reason, you’d be surprised how many can’t even remember what it was that was done or said but the separation continues. I think about my granddaughters and all that I get to witness daily in their lives; the milestones even when we were 10 hours away from where they lived. The birthdays, the “firsts”, the school events. I can’t even imagine not being a part of their lives or the lives of any of my family members. I have a strong belief that families are the fabric that holds society together. I know others will disagree but it’s something I can’t be convinced otherwise of. I love the idea that the people our family has come in contact with, have been impacted by the bond they see in us. It encourages reconciliation because it brings a desire and a hope of having the same type of relationships. I know friends who have extended family through marriage that are at odds at almost every family gathering because of harsh words and a lack of perspective. We have lost the art of seeing another person’s point of view. As a child, I was taught that unless I’ve walked in another’s person’s shoes, I’ll never understand quite why they do and say the things they do and say. What is behind the reaction? If we only look at things from a surface understanding, we miss what is really going on.

 My challenge to you, dear readers, is to think about this idea of reconciling your view of something to another person’s view. Your strong opinion about a topic may bring up feelings in your co-worker who has had a traumatic life experience. Their response may look like a personal attack on you but is really a way of sending the strong message “Stop talking about this. I’m hurting!” If we can find a way to not respond immediately to a person who has lashed out, we may find a way to actually help that person find the healing that they need.

 Is there someone in your life that you’ve allowed a rift to separate you? Don’t let 1, 5, or 25 years go by when you look back and realize all that each of you has missed in that time apart. All the important milestones, both big and small. Try to reconcile what they saw or heard with what you were trying to say or do. How could what was said be misconstrued? Because if either of you had known what the other one felt or perceived was being said, you could have made amends and the relationship would’ve been saved.

Let me encourage you today to be the first to reach out. I’m writing this on the 4th of July, our country’s Independence Day. And it reminds me of my freedom as an American, something I’m very proud of. Extend to that individual their freedom today. Freedom from hurt and pain, from separation and guilt. Make the call. Send the text or email. Be the one who brings about reconciliation. If the other person is willing, I promise you that the reunion will be sweet and the relationship will be stronger for having been through the fire and survived it, together!