New Beginnings!

It’s been quite a journey the last year or so for us all. I know for so many of you, there has been moments of great joy and moments of great pain. If you have been following my blog, you know that my journey for the last 14 months has definitely been one of sorrow.

But it is time for a new beginning!

So today I want to share with you what God has been doing in my life and what He is preparing for me next. I shared some things with you here recently, how God has begun to restore my hope, but I wanted to dive a little deeper with you; open up just a little bit more.

For those of you who may not know, almost 15 months ago, my life changed in a moment. My loving husband of almost 40 years was suddenly called home. There was no preparing for this moment and even after all these months have gone by, the events of that day still bring a sense of disbelief. How could this have happened? Wait…this isn’t real, is it? I face those questions daily, hourly.

During my first visit to my island home this summer without Bud, God began a healing. And that healing has grown deeper and deeper as the months have passed. He has started to put the pieces together that has shown me how His loving hand has been in the little and big things during my grief journey. Honestly, He has done the miraculous. There is so much more to share about that trip but I’ll be writing about that here soon.

One of the most incredible blessings during this time has been from my beautiful sister and her husband. Bud and I had started the process of planning to build a tiny house on my family’s property. But of course, all those plans ended when Bud passed. Then came the call from my sister than she and her husband wanted to build the tiny house, a guest house, and was allowing me to be a part of that. It would be my home away from home, something that I could decorate and furnish in a style that matched my personality. The offer took my breath away and it has been months of planning, dreaming, and preparing! I have loved doing this with my sister! We’ve been on the hunt to great stores looking for just the right pillows and little touches that have made it my own.

I had the opportunity to spend some time at my family home in Louisiana and right before I had to come home to San Diego, the house was finally completed! It was overwhelming! For several days, I made myself at home in this beautiful guesthouse and have fallen completely in love with it. And some incredible things happened in those few days and that is what I want to share with you.

I have been open, honest and raw in my writing since Bud passed and have felt your love, dear readers, without judgment as you have walked this journey with me. So, you know that I have struggled with my relationship with God. It has been hard to get back to the place of intimacy with Him that I have enjoyed for most of my life. There have been feelings of anger, disappointment, confusion and it has been quite a trek back to allowing Him in again, honestly. It has been a long and arduous journey but the healing that started in Utila has continued and for those few days in my new place of retreat, it was overwhelming. I felt His presence in a powerful way again; one that I have missed so much. He had not moved from my side; I have been the one with the walls up so very high. But with one moment of beauty between us, the walls have come crashing down and the anger and confusion has fallen away. 

During that visit, as I would lay in bed or sit at this beautiful window seat pictured above, I heard His calling, His whispers and I started to write. I wrote and wrote and was so excited to start preparing to publish them here, but the internet was either spotty at best or completely out, thanks to hurricane Ida. I kept saying, “Father, You have given these to me and it’s some of my best writing..can’t You fix the internet so I can share them with my readers?!” And as clearly as I have ever heard His voice, His prompting, He said, “These are for your book.”

Now I must tell you all that this has been my dream from the time I was a teenager. I have loved writing all my life, but I have wanted to write a book for decades. I actually started a novel back in high school, but I doubted myself and didn’t finish it. But when I started this blog, Bud helped me find the right name for it and always believed that my dream would come true to write that book. In the quiet of my new home, God whispered those words. “These are for your book.” I have not felt that alive in years. And for the first time in a long time, I felt excitement and a hunger for what God had for me next.

As I started talking to God about this book, I realized that without Bud being here and having his encouragement and constant belief in me, I felt paralyzed to even begin. The thought caused so much anxiety about deciding WHAT to write, how to write it, what it would be, how to get started, how to get it published..and I would just push it away and convince myself that it was just that..a dream.

But He got specific with me in those few days. It became unbelievably clear that He wanted me to write a devotional. More specifically, a 40-day devotional. And it would be based on my blog, my walk with Him, my life with Bud, how I learned to dream again; all of it. And I suddenly felt the fear that has held me back absolutely disappear.

I have a plan! I have a dream! And ever since I started talking to close friends and family about it, God has done some incredible things. On my flight home from Louisiana, a podcast caught my eye and as I listened to it on the flight, I realized that God was putting people and resources in my path to guide the way. Want to know what the random podcast was about? How to write a meaningful devotional.. yes, yes God. I hear You!

So, I am excited to share with you that I have started the process of laying out a 40-day devotional that I intend to self-publish! My plan and hope is to have it done by Mother’s Day 2022! It’s going to be written for the same women who I started my blog for. Those of us who have forgotten how to dream. Just writing these words, making them public, makes my heart race..mostly from excitement but honestly, partly from fear of the unknown. But I know that if God is leading the way, it’s going to be a great adventure!

So, I will be devoting my time to writing the book, but I will be posting blogs along the way chronicling my process and thoughts. I want so much for each of you, my beautiful readers, to be a part of this with me. Your love and support have given the strength to not give up. There are no words to say to each of you what you mean to me. I covet your prayers as I begin this new journey. There is so much that must happen for me to bring this to reality, but I know that God has me. And I know that Bud is in that great cloud of witnesses cheering me on and shouting louder than anyone…

DREAM BIG, GIRL!