For as long as I can remember I have lived with a scarcity mentality. When something precious is running low, my instant reaction is to stretch it out little by little, oftentimes causing it to spoil because it went unused for so long.

When I returned from the amazing healing in Utila back to San Diego, I restarted a quest from years before to find a signature scent. Something that I would wear daily. A scent that you would know is me when you smelled it. I thought I had found it a few months before Bud passed. It suited me so well. Its scent of jasmine and gardenias were two of my favorite flowers. But I couldn’t afford the full bottle of perfume, so I bought a tester size and, as usual, used it sparingly. In time, it changed its smell because as I discovered later, even the most expensive perfume will lose its strength as it sits unused. If not used often, it is laid waste even though it’s in your hands to experience and enjoy. The price was paid for you to enjoy it yet so often, we let it spoil unnecessarily.

I recently became interested in how perfumes are made and learned that when you test one in the store, never choose it right away after you first spray it because that is just the top note that will dissipate quickly. The proper way is to wait 10 minutes or so until some of those top note scents disappear and the heart note or the middle note is discovered and then finally the base note will shine through.

Top notes are those you smell immediately after the perfume first touches your skin. Once this initial burst fades, the heart notes kick in to form the essence of the perfume. Base notes are the scent that lasts the longest and is the one you remember most.

It’s the reason I have come to dislike so many perfumes that I have bought in the past. I didn’t wait long enough to allow the heart note and the base note to shine through. Not understanding that the depth of that scent, what made it unique, was still to come through. It was waiting, hiding for just the right moment to show who it really was and where its strength was. You see, the top note is meant to capture your attention but what lingers is the scent in the perfume that transforms your everyday life into something magical and unforgettable.

 I discovered that perfumes that are made from flowers or herbs and elements of nature are a complex process. Archaeologists found an ancient perfumery on ‘Aphrodite’s Island’, Pyrgos, in Cyprus. These perfumes were housing a large collection of perfume-making tools such as mixing bowls and funnels. Experts have stated that, within this region, ‘extracts of anise, pine, coriander, bergamot, almond, and parsley are among the ingredients the ancient perfume-makers preferred. You see, a plant’s scent is stored in essential oils within its petals, or other dedicated glands. You’ll notice that, when the weather is warmer, the scent of a plant appears to be stronger. This is because the oils combine and evaporate in warmer weather, and their smells are released into the air.

 To create a perfume from flowers, you must first pick the petals off and crush them, releasing their beautiful oil and thereby their scent. Oil is then added, and, in some cases, fire is used to extract the scent. It can then be blended with other scents until the desired strength of scent is acquired. But one of the most important steps is to set it aside to age and cure. This longer process takes patience as the unique smell is stored and hidden away to strengthen its aroma only to be taken from its hiding place and introduced to the world. It is waiting for that special person to not choose it based on its short top note but by one who will wait patiently to hear its heart. That special person will be rewarded with a scent that is deep and long lasting. One that evokes confidence and beauty. A scent that will announce the presence of the one who wears this special blend.

 Dear reader, you are a unique fragrance, created for beauty and joy. The One who created both your top note and base note, also created your heart note. The essence of who you are. Your top note is what you share with everyone, but your heart and base note is what you share with only those willing to come close; willing to wait to hear your heart and experience who you truly are. Not everyone will wait. Not everyone will be patient or even interested in getting to know you, the real you. That’s alright. It was never meant to be for everyone. Only those who you allow in close can have that privilege.

 I am reminded of the gospel story of Mary who cracked open a beautiful alabaster jar of a very costly fragrant oil. Some scholars believe it was pure nard, one of the most expensive oils of that time. Its fragrance was heavy, sweet and woody, spicy.

 John tells us in his gospel rendition of this story, that Mary, in her love for Jesus who had saved her, poured out her most expensive treasure. She poured it over His head, anointing Him as it ran down to His feet which she lovingly wiped with her hair. But I love that John added what the other 3 gospel writers didn’t mention. The aroma of this heavy sweet oil filled the house where they sat eating this meal! Can you imagine? For days and days, the owner of this house could smell the strong woodsy notes of this expensive gift. For days, its powerful scent could be smelled on their clothes most likely. As if the presence of Jesus stayed with them in this beautiful scent.

 I have come to love a new perfume in this journey to healing. It’s completely different from the one I found just a few years before. Like me, this scent is stronger and deeper than its predecessor. This warm and spicy perfume has decadent notes of vanilla bourbon and coffee and is lightened by floral notes of jasmine and patchouli. Strong and sweet. It is one that for me, evokes strength and femininity in one scent. It is most definitely a much stronger scent that lasts on my skin and clothes for days than the floral one before. Like the expensive oil that was poured on Jesus, its powerful smell lasts much longer.

 Its top note that doesn’t last long, attracted me because of the floral elements that you smell first, but it was the heart and base notes that drew me to it. It was the most expensive perfume I’ve ever spent money on but after going back to the store over and over for weeks, I knew I had to make the investment. I loved the way it made me feel. I loved that it had a depth to it. That the layers were different and each one brought out a part of who I was. Strong yet feminine. Mysterious yet wanting to be known.

When I am willing to pour myself out at the feet of Jesus, giving Him all of me, the most expensive thing that I own, my heart, He will make my heart go on and on. It’s all that I had to give Him. What can I give that had any worth to my Savior except my life, my heart. Pouring this out to Him decades ago, my life changed. But in this new season, I realized that I could continue pouring out my life to Him. And it will never be wasted.

 I succumbed to my usual mentality of scarcity when I purchased that expensive perfume at first, only using it on special occasions because I wanted it to last. But when He reminded me recently on my morning walk about Mary’s outpouring of her treasure to Him that day, I realized that every day is a special day. Every day is a gift. If we withhold the beauty, we have been given for what we call special occasions, we will miss out on what can be even on those random Tuesdays.

 So, I wear that beautiful perfume every day even if I never leave the house. Because I choose to find beauty in my everyday life with Jesus. I don’t hold back my praise for just Sundays when I am with my church family. I pour it out willingly every day. I can be seen often with raised hands on those morning walks freely pouring out my praise to the One who took that beautiful gift Mary gave to Him to the grave. The grave that He walked away from 3 days later to set me free. To set you free. I like to think that the smell of that oil from His grave clothes was still very present when the disciples walked into His tomb that Sunday morning. I believe its scent lingered, causing them to remember what He said about that beautiful broken woman who gave so freely. He told them and everyone in that house, that she would be remembered for what she did. I’m glad that He said that and that it was recorded.

 Because this girl would one day need to know Mary’s story. One day this girl would have proof that a life poured out to Jesus would be remembered as a beautiful gift to her Savior. One day this girl would need to know that her unique gifts will never be laid waste.

 Let your heart note sing today, beautiful reader. Your unique life and gifts are needed. I dream of a girl, years and years from now, reading this blog and realizing that she too can give freely and wholly and can do so without fear of being laid waste.

And keep watching here for more updates on my new book, Unexpected Love, coming in January 2025!