The Weight of Grief

Grief seems to be inescapable. It doesn’t discriminate. All of us have, in some way, been affected by its grip. It comes in many forms but there’s nothing like the grief in the wake of a death that changes our lives forever.

This week we have seen tragedy hit our nation within hours of each other and it has rocked us to the core. I’ve heard so many people talk about the fear of going out in public, especially with their children. I know I’ve experienced that this year. The senseless loss has shaken our foundation. In these tragedies, everyone wants to find someone to blame because if we can find who or what is at fault, surely we can stop this from happening over and over again.

The same is felt with the loss of a loved one to illness or an accident. What could we have done differently? What words could’ve been said that would’ve prevented this loss? We tend to want to see these things as black and white but they very rarely are. Why do good people die young? Why do people who are making a difference in the world become victims of disease? 

But the biggest question that we are afraid to ask out loud at times is this. Where is God in all of this?

For so many years I’ve shied away from these questions when asked them by friends and family because I felt like I needed to defend God and His honor. That I had to somehow shield Him from disparaging remarks. As if He couldn’t handle us asking those difficult questions.

Until it happened to me.

I have lost someone in my life that was like a brother to me to suicide. Honestly, I’ve never gotten over it and I’m not sure I ever will. Every time I think that I can talk about it, I’m reduced to tears and pain and it’s been 25 years. Why God? Why couldn’t You stop him? Why didn’t I see his pain? What could I have done or said differently? And more recently one of my dearest friends and mentor was called home to heaven after a battle with cancer. She was changing the lives of children in Africa and making a difference in the lives of countless people there. There were so many dreams. So many plans to do more. Why, Father? Why couldn’t she have seen those plans through? I’ve lost all of my grandparents, a precious nephew and so many others. In my opinion, all were too soon for my liking. Why God?

Suddenly I didn’t want to defend God. I couldn’t. It touched me personally and I wanted answers. And I got them.

 After my rage against Heaven, He quieted my heart and brought scriptures back to my remembrance that spoke of peace and trusting Him. Can we trust God when it doesn’t seem like He knows what He’s doing? Surely a mistake was made. If I were in charge of the universe, I certainly wouldn’t make those same decisions. Ahh. There it was. The truth. I thought that I had the answers. I mistakenly believed that all that I saw was black and white. But, again, it never is.

 When tragedy like the ones we have seen in our nation over the last several years happen, again, we want to blame someone. We want things to change and rightfully so. We rage against  God and ask those same questions. Why, God? Why?! It has never been my belief that God brings about pain to teach us a lesson. Many disagree. What I know firsthand is that God can take a horrible tragedy and bring something good from it. He can heal a family, a community and a nation. I believe that with all my heart. And it begins with me. And it begins with you.

 How is that possible? What can I do thousands of miles away from these cities? I can pray. I can help financially through trusted organizations. I can find ways in my own city to make a difference in the lives of those who are broken and hurting. I can be the arms of God as I wrap them around a grieving friend. I can be the hands of God as I bring them a meal or help with their children. I believe that what we do for one, we do for the whole.

 Can we make a difference in our nation? I believe that we can one person at a time. As we show love and compassion to those around us, we make a small ripple that can grow bigger and bigger. The fact is that we never know what is going on in the mind of the people we meet in the grocery store or at work. A kind word or gesture can make the difference between that person believing that there is kindness and goodness in the world. Or not.

I certainly don’t have all the answers. But I know the One who does.

Tonight I pray for our leaders, the ones who govern and lead us all. Tonight I pray for families that are broken and hurting. I pray for those who feel desperate. I pray for those who feel so much hate that they want to hurt others or themselves. I pray for children who don’t know the power of love in their lives and that someone would come into their lives and show them kindness so that when they are grown, they can do the same. I pray that God would touch each of our hearts to find ways to show His love in big and small ways and that this love would heal our broken nation.

Father, tonight I don’t ask why. I ask how. How can I make a difference right where I am? I hope you join me, dear reader, in this prayer. Let’s make a difference in someone’s life. Together.